Move over Tide pods and ポルノ映画 七瀬ななみ 無修正tomb cheese, because there's a new ridiculous thing you are definitely not supposed to eat but are probably now going to want to because you've been told you can't.
New Zealanders are being warned against consuming or licking a certain kind of lichen that grows on roads, pavements, and shaded rocky areas, after claims it's a natural alternative to Viagra, earning it the nickname -- and I can't stress this enough -- "sexy pavement lichen".
Its scientific name is Xanthoparmelia scabrosa, and it contains a chemical "somewhat analogous" to Viagra, according to Dr. Allison Knight, the lichenologist who coined its much catchier name.
The lichen's discovered properties have led to multiple products being sold online purporting to enhance libido and cure erectile dysfunction -- but Knight told NZ site Newsroom that an analysis showed one of these was "80 percent Viagra, and 20 percent grass clippings".
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This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.SEE ALSO: The thirstiest moments of 2019 (so far)
And in its natural form, it's actually toxic. While it grows abundantly throughout New Zealand as well as other areas, a sexy lichen scraped right off that sexy pavement will also apparently be high in a whole bunch of stuff that will do absolutely nothing for your struggling boner, including lead, arsenic, mercury and zinc.
Not to mention literally any other thing you could possibly think of that might be on the side of a road in a city.
If you're battling any kind of sexual or erectile dysfunction, you're not alone -- but please get your advice from a qualified healthcare professional.
And if you're battling with the very existence of the phrase "sexy pavement lichen", if it's replaced the chorus of "Old Town Road" as a constant loop in your brain, if you will be thinking about nothing but those three words for the foreseeable future... you are also not alone.
H/T The Guardian
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