It's hiking season! Remember to drink plenty of water,difference between eroticism and sex leave the trail how you found it, behave safely in the presence of wildlife, and avoid murder if at all possible.
On Wednesday, the National Park Service shared a hilarious PSA with outdoor adventurers regarding proper protocol around bears. In a lengthy post made on the agency's Facebook page, rangers informed hikers of the right steps to take if faced with a bear — don't run, don't climb a tree, etc. — while accounting for one of the more uh...creative solutions that might occur to a panic-stricken park-goer in a moment of crisis.
"Please don't run from bears or push your slower friends down in attempts of saving yourself," the PSA begins. "As a follow-up to a previous post, if you come upon a stationary bear, move away slowly and sideways; this allows you to keep an eye on the bear and avoid tripping." That previous post was made on National Friendship Day (Aug. 2) and also suggests not murdering your loved ones.
The post further explains the psychology of human-bear interactions — "Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone" — and emphasizes that you should not consider sacrificing one of your trail companions.
"Do NOT push down a slower friend (even if you think the friendship has run its course)," the park experts advise, before offering their condolences to anyone who has met such a grisly fate. "We apologize to any 'friends' who were brought on a hike as the 'bait' or were sacrificed to save the group. You will be missed."
You can learn more about bear safety (read: alternatives to murder) here. Happy hiking!
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