"Yep,sex rape gang porn video x we did it. You're welcome." No, Cosmopolitan UK is not finally presenting you with the actualone true secretto the best sex of your life — but they did put Jonathan Van Ness on their January 2020 cover in a gloriously frothy Christian Siriano custom gown and fresh Nikes.
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The well-tressed podcast host, grooming guru, and human hurricane of positivity (who came out as non-binary and genderqueer earlier this year) has worked plenty of capital-D Dresses since Queer Eyetook him from YouTube to Netflix to... everywhere. But this — from a designer made famous by his custom looks for stars underserved by mainstream fashion houses — is a peach-emoji-coloured froth-splosion suited to a "majestic center-part-blow-dry cotton-candy figure-skating queen."
It's one part Lizzo's custom Valentino apricot ruffles at the AMAs, one part this tweet about Lizzo fans...
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...and all classic JVN, glowing and irresistible and still pushing the boundaries of the mainstream just a little.
Now, as for how historic the cover is, the exact milestone is a little contentious. JVN claims to be the periodical's first non-female cover star in 35 years — but that's only if you don't count non-female cover stars, plural, in the form of all five original members of One Direction, who covered the UK edition in 2012 (alongside an alternate cover starring the Kardashian sisters).
And at the time, certain outlets covering thatcover skipped right past Boy George's mega-glam look on the front of Cosmo UK in December 1984.
However, as far as our research can reveal, JVN is the first out non-binary person to be on the cover of Cosmo, and also the first person with a beard. (And whata beard.)
He also shows off some Tahani-level namedropping skills in the accompanying feature, according to Page Six:
“The other day, Taylor [Swift] and I were making soup, and she asked me to go to a Madonna concert with her,” he says. “That was the day before my 5 a.m. flight to London to come here for this shoot and my tour. I knew it would be an amazing experience. But I have to prioritize self-care. Because if I don’t, then my candle will burn out.”
It's definitely, as he would say, a moment.
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