Brace for impact: Netflix reality is nuru massage sex videoat it again.

Early Friday morning, all eight episodes of Too Hot To Handle, Netflix’s latest experiment in hyper-contrived dating scenarios, became available to thousands of subscribers stuck at home. After the successes of Love Is Blindand The Circle(not to mention Tiger King), the fledgling series is certain to attract a big audience of reality TV lovers hungry for another meme-worthy adventure in national exposure.

But I know there are those among you — no need to raise your hands if you don’t feel comfortable — who aren’t yet sold on the unscripted format. Yes, I understand: It’s low-brow, the aughts were years ago, you could be making bread right now, etc.

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Another meme-worthy adventure in national exposure.

Still, I implore TV fans of all types and tastes to give Too Hot To Handle a chance. Just an episode or two, really. Not because we need more disciples of this garbage genre (it’s a full house as is), but because you too deserve to feel reality TV’s unbridled goofiness in crappy times like these. And Too Hot To Handle is the ideal pick for making your unscripted binging debut.

Similar to international sensation Love Island, Too Hot To Handle takes its contestants to a tropical paradise where the birds sing, the trees sway, and the booze flows like it’s flooding a basement.

With a dozen or so sexy singles from across the globe running around in skimpy swimwear, this “retreat” is the perfect place to find love (and explore the horrifying effects sand and friction can have on genitalia). But for the unlucky lot of Too Hot To Handle, sexual contact is off the menu.

Cheaters! They're in a happy monogamous relationship, but CHEATERS! Credit: courtesy of netflix

Heralded by an artificially intelligent surveillance system named Lana — akin to The Circle’s voice assistantin purpose, but closer to The Rise of Skywalker’s D-Oin cone-headed appearance — the rules of the retreat require participants abstain from kissing, masturbating, or having partnered sex of any kind. According to Lana, these restrictions exist to help the island’s frisky inhabitants put an end to superficial one-night stands and find “deeper and more meaningful connections.”

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Too Hot To Handle brings together a likable group of horndogs with viewpoints varied enough to keep things interesting.

Though not all will agree abstinence is the best way to enhance intimacy, Too Hot To Handle’s contestants — one of whose introductions includes the declaration “What I’m most proud of is my penis” — respond with impressive dismay.

It’s made worse when they learn that rather than face elimination for breaking the rules, the group’s $100,000 prize pool will be reduced for each and every attraction infraction. Kissing runs $3,000 per smooch.

Week to week, series producers increase the romantic pressure with champagne, hot tubs, and chances at highly coveted alone time while Lana keeps score on all unauthorized boinking. It’s a set-up that could easily become stale, if it weren’t for the show’s phenomenal casting.

Snagging contestants from the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia, Too Hot To Handle brings together a likable group of horndogs with viewpoints varied enough to keep things interesting. There are mean girls with axes to grind, bros with boner jokes to make, and a really nice Irish lady who just wants to make friends and hang out.

SEE ALSO: How Netflix reality just made streaming a lot less lonely

Oh, also this guy named Matthew who repeatedly refers to himself as “Jesus,” but it’s OK because he’s got the abs, hair, and fondness for chastity to back it up.

Lana (aka anti-boink cop) Credit: courtesy of netflix

Comedian Desiree Burch serves as the show’s narrator, dishing out hilarious commentary and scathing scrutiny as the cast's journeys unfold. Relationships expert Shan Boodram and “Heart Warrior guru” Déva Presence guest star to lead the crew through self-love workshops — the itineraries of which include getting covered in mud, experimenting with bondage play, and painting vaginal self-portraits using hand mirrors.

The inclusion of Lana, Burch, the workshop leaders, and scripted references to producers make for a confusing atmosphere that will repeatedly make you ask, “Who is in charge of this, and why??” But at just eight episodes (all 45 minutes or less), Too Hot To Handle breezes by in a haze of delightful silliness that will have you eager to keep pressing "Next Episode" no matter how many unanswered questions you end up with.

You're unlikely to walk away having learned anything meaningful from this mess — though nearly every contestant claims they did — but it will have you laughing, gasping, and desperately texting your binging buddies in no time. If you haven't given Netflix reality a try, Too Hot To Handle is your chance to hop on board. Just avoid "hoisting the sails." That'll cost ya.

Too Hot To Handle is now streaming on Netflix.

Topics Netflix